poem in 3 parts

poem in 3 parts (triptych) (i'm gay (i'm happy))

i just want a shitty little house in the depths of america
in a comfy neighborhood, away from the despotism of big yards,
with a porch and a swing and a golden retriever,
but i'll settle for a poodle
but i have to have the swing.
and i want a ratty old couch
and some questionable wallpaper
and i want to stand outside
in the cool autumn air
and breath in the burnt auburn hue
of life all around me
in the dirt and in the trees
and i will look into somebody's eyes,
and they'll shrug
and say,
"i guess you're okay."
and i'll fall in love
all over again

i never went outside
because i was scared my parents would yell at me
for going on a walk
they never did.
i think i might be insane
i saw a picture on wikipedia
of a neighborhood, like the one by the downtown
if you keep walking past the library
and i felt what i was missing all this time
i want to ride down that street in a bicycle
and wave to my friend kyle
on my way back from elementary school
i didn't go to elementary school.
i lurked on the universe sandbox forums
and my dad gave me hawaiian rolls
and made me oink like a pig.
i hope everyone on that forum is doing well,
i looked back on there not that long ago
most of them are furries now.
my fucking god! these bitches gay!
good for them.

i told my friend i wanted to kiss boys when i was 12.
a week after i told her, she said,
"gosh, jackson,
you're so much funnier now."
it has been 6 years:
i'm still funny,
and i still want to kiss a boy.
the ravages of time cannot separate me from
what i am
and nor can endless scorn
from the unshambolic.
in an act of defiance,
i stand on the edge of a cliff
the model of a true romantic:
"i stay silly."
it is a gospel truth
i can do nothing else
and God knows i tried.