dating app profile

 i am still in the "getting to know you" phase about this whole blogger thing. (please ignore that i have used this website before. please ignore that for narrative purposes.)

so, i figured it would be a fun activity to list off some fun things about me. and maybe i could also pretend i am making a match.com profile and the year is 2007 and i am trying to do a chrischan-esque lovequest. my allegiance to the second sentence in this paragraph is dubious so dont be surprised if i forget about it please. im not that smart.

a very real image of the author.

name: jackson

age: none of your business !!! (actually i am 14 but VERY mature for my age. (actually thats a lie i am 18. sorry.))

sex: yes

location: none of your business !!!

looking for: fellow weirdo who likes nerd music and has inscrutable interests (the bar is pretty low. don't worry)

smoke: idk

drink: i do drink fluids yes. mostly water

body type: humanoid, alive


you probably figured this out by now but ive never actually made a dating app profile (is that grammatically correct. i have no idea and also dont care) much less a match.com profile in 2007. i was 3. that inhibited my potential slightly. im already out of ideas so im just going to list some things i like and things i dislike

things i dislike

• the pharrell song happy
• straight people (except you. if you are straight and reading this youre one of the good ones)
• when people expect me to take a hint. i am incapable of taking hints. please tell me whatever you are thinking i will be much less offended than if you just assume i understand whatever you're alluding to when i don't.
  
• the cars (band)
• the replacements (band)
• paul dano. there is one chubby white boy with brown hair who can be brian wilson and it's ME. back off poser.
• discrimination... injustice... war... famine
• james corden
• small talk
• every odd birthday. dont know why
• when i have 13 pings on discord and i think they're dms from my friends but i actually just got pinged repeatedly on some random place i dont even check.
• mashed potatoes
• crowded hallways
• that weird limbo where you know someone enough to know you want to talk to them more, but not enough that you're actually able to do it without getting anxious and feeling like you're being too pushy, and then said anxiety ends up making you more awkward and less enjoyable to be around and then you just come off weird. trust me i am an interesting person trust me trust me trust me trust me. and if i am coming off weird then tell me because (see above point about how i am incapable of taking hints)
  
• anything that happened to me or that i did from ages 12 to 16
• 
  
• 
  
• help i have no idea how the formatting works here how do i get out of the bullet point
• • OH NO I MADE IT WORSE HELP
  • what
  • what
  ok i figured it out
• WAIT FUCK
  
  i cant get the formatting to unscrew itself up so heres things i like
  
  
•  talking to people. especially online when i get like 15 dms from someone and it's like about nothing. i love it when people dm me nonsense and i feel like people dont bc they're scared of being annoying but really like, whatever!
  
• men
• well not all men. but i like men. do you get the joke. the joke is that i'm gay.
• the beach boys
• they might be giants
• kerbal space program
• watching video essays about things i'm not even interested in
• when people have intensely specific interests. like go off bestie i love that for you
• that one video of george w bush where he says "now watch this drive"
• britney spears classic 2007 album blackout it goes hard as fuck trust me
• when people are blunt
• maps. atlases
• hours spent reading wikipedia
• hours spent reading tvtropes
• hours spent reading long dead niche interest forums trying to deduce the status of every active member's marriages
•  playing the piano
• writing inscrutable bullshit (see: right now)
• the little prince (book)
• its such a beautiful day (don hertzfeldt. movie)
• stevie wonder. if i have to explain who stevie wonder is i inherently do not trust you.
• minecraft but mostly because i live through nostalgia vicariously
• which is weird, because a lot of my life so far has kinda sucked.
• this isnt a sob story though im okay now
• well i have covid but like aside from that.
• im getting sidetracked
• i like walking through a forest in the fall time :-)
• dogs
• i really like dogs they're so friendly.
• i like cats but idk if cats like me :/
•  riding my bike
• dreams....
• mario kart wii
• we like to party by the vengaboys
  okay those are like most of the things i like. that went on for longer than i thought so i think thats like enough for right now or something. to quote macarthur "i shall return". if you have read this whole post and would like to marry me, please, let me know. thank you!